What’s Your Relationship XYZ?

Whimsically working through your relationship alphabet can be an interesting exercise and a great way to be reminded of all the different aspects and components that contribute to a good working relationship. Upon reflection you may agree or disagree with some of the points you raise, but simply taking time to ponder over each letter can in itself be a valuable investment in your relationship.

Your relationship ‘Xs’

X kisses

During times when you’re apart, why not send kisses via text? Taking a second to send even a simple ‘x’ can be a huge investment in your relationship, letting your partner know that you’re thinking about them. Finding ways to demonstrate your love gives welcome reassurance, possibly helps ease a difficult situation they’re going through and provides clear evidence of your thoughtfulness.


Maybe your partner likes pornography, or is more sexually adventurous than you. Would you be willing to try some of their suggestions, have a go? If you’re apprehensive it can help to set a time, usually best away from the bedroom, to discuss your concerns, where you agree to take things slowly. Don’t allow yourself to be bullied or intimidated into something you’re not comfortable with, but talking about sex together may open up an exciting side to your relationship. Share how you feel about sex and your sex life, maybe make a few suggestions of your own and see if there’s a compromise that can be reached.

Your relationship ‘Ys’


Yes is a great word for moving you out of your comfort zone. It can introduce adventures, allow you to meet new people, explore other places, hobbies and interests. Be receptive to opportunities that come your way. But also appreciate that yes isn’t always a positive response. If you’re constantly obliging or agreeing with others you may gradually feel resentful or put upon. Push yourself enough and enjoy chances to grow.


Exasperatedly shouting ‘You make me feel’ can sound accusatory and even aggressive, not really the most effective way to discuss an issue or problem in your relationship. Those types of conversations can rapidly devolve into accusations and counter-accusations, oftentimes repeating past grievances and rehashing old conversations, thus achieving very little. Try to ‘own’ your own feelings by instead saying ‘when you do this’ or ‘when this happens I feel’. Using a more positive introduction can enable you to explore what’s bothering you and find ways to resolve disharmony and hurt.

Your relationship ‘Zs’


Showing a zest for life, an interest in each other’s activities and day-to-day stories is seductive, complimentary and can pay dividends in strengthening your relationship. Even during the busiest of times it’s important to set aside some ‘us’ time to talk, exchange your news, demonstrate enthusiasm and be keen to share in each other’s lives.


Sleep can really impact on a relationship, especially if it’s broken or repeatedly disturbed. If one of you snores, is a restless sleeper or works various shifts it’s not unreasonable to perhaps have separate beds or even bedrooms. It’s far better to have a good night’s sleep and spend intimate time together at other times, perhaps early morning or last thing before bed.

Being loyal and connected supports your XYZ and helps you both feel important and able to contribute meaningfully to the health and happiness of yourself, each other and your relationship.